Friday Night Lights Into Blogs

The Sports Blogosphere is all atwitter today after last night's blind-side blitzing of Deadspin's Will Leitch on HBO's CostasNow. The diminutive St. Louis native hosted a "town-hall" meeting that focused on the Information Age and it's affect on Sports (and vice versa).

We (sports-wife and I... Baxter wasn't interested) tuned in midway through the Sports Talk Radio segment that featured Michael Strahan; noted strike-breaker and fabricator, Mitch Albom; and Chris "Mad Dog (grr)" Russo of the Mike and the Mad Dog Show from WFAN in New York. Amazingly, the brazen radio host was attacked by the "traditional" media hack and NFL star. Shocking. Strahan---who apparently has been boycotting the radio show for eight years due to unflattering remarks made by the duo, dropped this tidbit on the Body By Rake Russo: "The last time you had a uniform on was when your mom took you trick or treating." SNAP! My gene's and freakish build that's enabled me to make millions playing football, lose most of it in a messy divorce that included allegations of a gay affair and constant-need-for-attention-through-flirtation-with-retirement, enables me to make hilarity at the expense of puny man! Reports that after the show, Strahan issued a "swirly" on Russo and stole his milk money could not be confirmed.

The venom spewed in THAT segment is about as poisonous as tap water compared to the segment that focused on Blogs, and in particular, Deadspin. Here's the link to the "discussion" (Buzz Bissinger puts the "cuss" in discussion!) Warning...Language not suitable even for Sailors, Dock Workers, Howard Stern, and drunken LSU Fans. Bissinger, the Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and noted author ("Friday Night Lights") rips into Leitch like a sportscaster into a Saints pre-game spread. If you watch (or watched on HBO) the segment, it becomes obvious rather quickly that Mr. Bissinger has one thing on his mind: Berating Leitch, and vicariously, all sports blogs with his vitriol.

Okay... let's hop off the pony for a second and insert our two-cents worth. I'm 42 years old, so salty language, a poopy joke, locker-room humor, etc. isn't going to make me phone my pastor and ask for a Damning of a Blogger. There are some posts on blogs, and in particular, in the comments section of Blogs, that are tasteless and tactless. But my corneas don't burn when I read them. Most of the time, I skim over the more acidic or lascivious post-parts and concentrate on the items that entertain and/or enlighten me. I appreciate good writing as much, or more than anyone. It's communication in the most difficult manor. To create a sensation in a reader through written form takes talent, guile and thick-skin. And it is indeed a talent. From Matt Christopher books I read as a child to the uber-creative works of Christopher Moore that I enjoy now... when an author keeps my A.D.D.-A.S.S. glued to the pages between hard-covers---that author has earned my respect, my trust and my time. Time. There's the key component for me when it comes to my appreciation of Bloggers. I've got three, maybe four books that I've started in the last month sitting on my nightstand. Between the two gigs and family time, I'm too damn tired to tear through books the way I used to. But my appetite for well-written articles (Michael Silver @ Yahoo! Sports; Will, Rick and Daulerio at Deadspin come to mind) is satiated by... BLOGS!

Bissinger, Costas and their ilk, hammer Bloggers for their lack of "credentials" in writing about sports. What gives Leitch, Kissing Suzy Kolber, The Big Lead, EveryDayShouldBeSaturday, etc. the right to write and comment about sports?! Those jobs belong to J-School grads! You must have a Northwestern, Missouri or Syracuse Journalism Degree to earn the prerogative to share your opinion of a game or performance! You must work for a Television Network, or Network Affiliate in order to truly "understand" the nuances of the complex game of footballbaseballbasketballhorseracingtiddlywinks. Bullsh*t.

Do I think, for one second, that my occupation entitles me to believe my opinion on the Saints, LSU, Darren McFadden, etc. is any more right than Justin's, Billy's, Dr. Dick's, Aunt Bea's, Johnny C.'s, RP's, LuckyJack's, Brian's, Tulane's, Jeremy's, Rusty's, etc. ? Hell no. My access to events gives me one right, and one right only. To deliver to viewers and listeners a scaled down version of the game I'm covering along with post-game sound (reaction from the principal participants!). I also feel that the best way to accomplish this goal, is to "bring the viewer/listener" to the event. For instance... if a buddy of mine had tickets to the BCS Championship game but couldn't make the trip due to an unforeseen incarceration (wink-wink), but I still go to the game... and afterward, his one phone call is to me in order for me to relay to him what it was like to "be there." Bam! That's my job as a sportscaster/radio show host. Put YOU in my shoes on the sideline. However, I have no ownership of the game. If you watched it on t.v., you PROBABLY have had a better view of critical plays than I have. You very well could be given statistical information on the TV screen that arms you with more factoids than I'm getting with a camera on my shoulder. So... tell me; If you are an astute football fan---and you've just devoured a telecast, soaking in every informational nugget possible... wouldn't you be able to speak (or in this case, BLOG) about the game with an air of authority and intelligence?

That's not a dumbing down of the sports universe... It's an act of inclusion. The more voices heard... the more views shared... doesn't that make our love of sports more appreciable?

Have A Seat-Sniffing Good Time!

Who Dat Talking 'Bout Beating Them Hornets, Who Dat? Who Dat? If you're looking for a model of efficiency, perhaps my tin-foil and pipe-cleaner presentation will fill the bill... if not, check out Chris Paul's performance in the five-game "Dusting of Dallas." That sounds like something PacMan Jones will be doing in a strip-club, doesn't it?

Okay, there is "excited," when you find out
your team lands a big-time free agent...
and then there's "EXCITED!" Is it my imagination or is
the Weatherman a litt-ttle tooooo peppy regarding the jersey number.

Poor Colt Brennan. The Hawai'i quarterback bled money from the first quarter of the Sugar Bowl through his selection in the draft... He lost so much cash, Warren Buffet wouldn't draft him. The way Georgia pummeled, harassed and embarrassed him in New Orleans--I haven't seen a Rainbow Warrior exposed to that extent since Jeff Gordon made that "pit stop" on a Wisconsin farm road.

Any time Robin Leach inserts himself between Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson (Rrrrowrrr!)... it's like introducing mayonnaise to a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Keep the gross stuff away from the nuts and yellow waxy fruit.

Ronaldo LOOOOOOVVVESS the Ladies, Right Ladi... Aiiighhhhhhhh!!!

The Australian version of Stanley Steemer.

Larry Brown was not impressed with Adam Morrison's "Widespread Panic" Concert T-shirt and Madrais Plaid Shorts.

Can't you all imagine Billy zipping to work in this outfit?

Live Morning Sportsline Mock Draft

The LIVE "Morning Sportsline" Draft:

1. Miami Dolphins: Jake Long-OT Michigan

2. St. Louis Rams (Dr. Dick): Chris Long DE - Virginia

3. Atlanta Falcons (Justin): Glenn Dorsey DL- LSU

4. Oakland Raiders (Jeremy): Darren McFadden RB-Arkansas

5. Kansas City Chiefs (Fletcher): Sedrick Ellis DL -Southern Cal

6. NY Jets (Dr. Dick): Vernon Gholston DL - Ohio State

7. New England (Justin) Trade To Denver (Jeremy): Ryan Clady OT-Boise State

8. Baltimore Ravens (Jeremy): Matt Ryan QB-Boston College

9. Cincinnati Bengals (Fletcher): Derrick Harvey DE- Florida

10. New Orleans (Dr. Dick): Leodis McKelvin CB-Troy

11. Buffalo (Justin): Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB-Tennessee Martin

12. New England (Justin): Brandon Albert OL-Virginia

13. Carolina (Fletcher): Rashard Mendenhall RB- Illinois

14. Chicago (Dr. Dick): Johnathan Stewart RB-Oregon

15. Detroit (Justin): Keith Rivers LB-USC

16. Arizona (Jeremy): Felix Jones RB-Arkansas

17. Kansas City Chiefs (Fletcher): Chris Willilams OL-Vanderbilt

18. Houston (Dr. Dick): Jeff Otah OL-Pitt

19. Philadelphia (Justin): Gosder Cherilus OL-Boston College

20. Tampa Bay (Jeremy): DeSean Jackson WR-California

21. Washington (Fletcher): Phillip Merling DE Clemson

22. Dallas (Dr. Dick): Limas Sweed WR-Texas

23. Pittsburgh (Justin):Quentin Groves OLB- Auburn

24. Tennessee (Jeremy): James Hardy WR-Indiana

25. Seattle (Fletcher): Martin Rucker TE - Missouri

26. Jacksonville (Dr. Dick): Calais Campbell DL- Miami

27. San Diego (Justin): Mike Jenkins CB-South Florida

28. Dallas (Jeremy): Brandon Flowers CB-Virginia Tech

29. San Francisco 49ers (Fletcher): Duane Brown OL-Virginia Tech

30. Green Bay (Dr. Dick): Aqib Talib CB-Kansas

31. New York Giants (Justin): Jerrod Mayo LB-Tennessee

Pac-Man's Coming To Cowboys! Super Mario Headed To Texans!

Okay, fella's and ladies... Apparently My Mock-Draft Knowledge that I dropped on you all in the prior post stunned you more than if you saw me in this get-up. Well snap-out-of-it, Ginger! Make those predictions! There are gift certificates to Cantina Laredo! Rocky's Shed Road Counter Culture! And, El Chico! up for grabs. Movie passes (Boing!)... and the always popular, "Cheese Doodles". Pick away---but please wipe it somewhere other than under the sofa cushion.


Fathers, lock up your strippers!!
Pac-Man's coming to the MetroPlex...
and he will definitely be
looking for a few Ms. PacMan's.

Behind the scenes with Draft Wunderkind,

Matt Millen, courtesy of the

Kissing Suzy Kolber crew.

The comments section is

"ear-muffs" territory for the youngun's.

Did Tiger, "Grammatica" himself?

Fella's, if you want to have a chance
with Ms. Erin Andrews, I suggest
rubbing caulk all over the exposed
parts of your body before heading
into the sunlight.

The Japanese High School team that was throttled, 66-0 in lessthan two innings recently should request this ump to work behind the plate in their next game. Somewhere, Don Denkinger is signaling "safe," in approval.



"Miguel Tejada, You Got Served...
by Ryan Dempster!!"

"Excuse me, sir.

I seem to have misplaced
my twig and berries.

Would have sworn I had it
prior to bumping into those gents with bones in their noses."

Fletcherrific Mock Draft

We will get to the Fletcher-Mock-Draft-For-The-Hyphen-Happy-Contest-In-A-Bit... But first...

Let me guess... Joe Girardi is the guy on the block who hands out dental floss on Halloween.

The Yankee Skipper would probably have a seizure if he got an eyeful of Jessica's Mouthful...
It appears Tony Romo's future bride has an eating disorder. Maybe she was choking. Very nice of Romo to administer resuscitation measures.

As we head toward Draft Weekend, Benny The Bull's character issues come to light. Mike Mayock drops him into the third round of his latest Mock Draft.

Now... Here is how this thing will go down on Saturday... First, the Dolphins will select Darren McFad... what? They did? Already signed him, huh? It COULD be a smokescreen, or sign-and-trade deal, you know...

1. Miami Dolphins: Jake Long OT-Michigan

2. St. Louis Rams: Glenn Dorsey DL-LSU

3. Atlanta Falcons: Matt Ryan QB-Boston College

4. Oakland Raiders: Chris Long DL- Virginia

5. Kansas City Chiefs: Ryan Clady OL-Boise State

6. New York Jets: Darren McFadden RB-Arkansas

7. New England Patriots: Vernon Gholston DL-Ohio State

8. New Orleans Saints: Keith Rivers LB-USC

9. Cincinnati Bengals: Sedrick Ellis DT-USC

10. Baltimore Ravens: Chad Henne QB-Michigan

11. Buffalo Bills: Devin Thomas WR-Michigan State

12. Denver Broncos: Jeff Otah OL-Pitt

13. Carolina Panthers: Brandon Albert OL-Virginia

14. Chicago Bears: Rashard Mendenhall RB-Illinois

15. Detroit Lions: Chris Williams OL-Vanderbilit

16. Arizona Cardinals: Felix Jones RB-Arkansas

17. Kansas City Chiefs: Derrick Harvey DE-Florida

18. Houston Texans: Leodis McKelvin CB-Troy

19. Philadelphia Eagles: Kenny Phillips S-Miami

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Jonathan Stewart RB-Oregon

21: Washington Redskins: DeSean Jackson WR-California

22. Dallas Cowboys: Mike Jenkins CB-South Florida

23. Pittsburgh Steelers: John Greco OL-Toledo

24. Tennessee Titans: Phillip Merling DE-Clemson

25. Seattle Seahawks: Martin Rucker TE-Missouri

26. Jacksonsville Jaguars: Pat Sims DL-Auburn

27. San Diego Chargers: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB-Tennessee Martin

28. Dallas Cowboys: Limas Sweed WR-Texas

29. San Francisco 49ers: Duane Brown OL-Virginia Tech

30. Green Bay Packers: Brian Brohm QB-Louisville

31. New York Giants: Tyrell Johnson S-Arkansas State

Now... it's up to you, to match wits! Click on the comments, and leave your 1st Round Selections!

Mach 1 Draft Contest

So... I'm thinking of having a few fella's over at the blog for a little Mock-Draft Contest... some beers and of course, a possum dragging. The rules are simple to compete in "Kyper Combat." I will make my prognostication public Tuesday afternoon/early evening. In the comments section of THAT POST, leave your selections... now on with the rules o'the game:

1. Pick The Player You Believe Will Go 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. For The Entire First Round
2. You Get 1-Point If The Player You Predict Is Drafted In The Slot You Select
   
3. You Get 1-Point If The Player You Predict Is Drafted By The Team You Select
4. If You Get The Player AND Team Correct, You Get 1-Bonus Point.
5. Whomever Tallies The Most Points, Wins!
   

Ex: If you predict Darren McFadden will go to the Raiders with the 4th pick and he indeed joins the Silver and Black when they pick 4th, you would receive "3" Points.

If the Raiders trade down to 5th but still get McFadden, you would receive "1" point for getting the player and team correct.

If the Jets move up to the 4th pick and select McFadden, you would receive "1" point for getting the player and the pick# correct, capiche?

Onto some hot links... Lance Briggs of the Bears just signed a new contract. Well.. not JUST. It HAS been over six weeks since putting pen to paper. So, of course he's ticked about his deal. That he just signed. Last month. And yes, Drew Rosenhaus is his agent.

Terry Bradshaw today in a 45-minute Q and A session at Squire Creek wished John David Booty well, hoping his hometown QB gets drafted and prospers for years in the NFL. He also doesn't think Booty has the size to be a strong quarterback in the league, a perception that many others feel. Obviously I saw John David play a ton of games at Evangel---and it's interesting to me to find an argument for Booty's success in the league comes from a guy pointing back to JDB's Friday Night heroics.

"The NBA playoffs has been more full of fruit than the producer section at your local grocer." Whoo... Step Back, Fletcher... I'm sorry, I was channeling Reggie Miller for a bit. Wow... I think I saw his sister naked. Yikes. BTW, If your cable lineup indeed has a Reggie Miller Channel, watch it. A lot. And take copious notes... It will make a good read the next time you're just relaxing around the house. Or under it.

"OOOoooo that SMELL!"

What an eventful weekend at Fletcher Manor. A rather pungent odor started wafting through the home, becoming tortuous whenever the air conditioning was on, kicking in a bushel basket of nasal nastiness. What, pray tell, could it be? Something had done gone up and died dead under our house. One small problem. Every portal to the underbelly of the beast was less

Allow me to cut in here, fellas. This is the Sportswife tapping on the keys. Look, here is the deal. There was a dead... something... under the house. What is Fletcher's first response? "Um, should we call Animal Control? Will they come get it?" What?!? My answer to that was... "Get your big butt under the house and find it." This is what happened next...

... was less than large enough for my "muscular build." Add in the fact, I didn't think I could squeeze in the Sam Adams (Light!!!) with me through the hole.

Seriously, look at the size of that thing (Boing!)... there's no way I can gyrate my girth through there to tame the wild beast fouling up our air-waves.




I love cameras. Why? Because. I have photographic proof that Fletcher was half way in the hole to the deep dark nothingness when he wussed out and back peddled like a little girl! We measured him... the biggest part of him is his shoulders... Was he in or out of the hole??? YOU tell ME!!!

Is there any rational person viewing this that believes I could go any deeper into the abyss without popping my shoulders and hips out of socket? And think of those poor lily's! Would you want to be where they are right now? Think of the bulbs, people... theirs and mine! Oh, yeah. One other tidbit, there was a post six-to-eight inches inside the hole that would require a teeny, tiny person to shape-shift their way underneath the house. If only there was someone standing around taking pictures with a beautiful, teeny, tiny body...

Wow. Fletcher is making this so easy for me. Had I already mentioned his biggest circumferance area was through the hole, did I tell you what a conniption he had once in there? "Sweetie, I am having trouble breathing!" After he crawfished out he said, "No, we will call someone tomorrow and have them come out and look, but I am NOT getting back under there!" Here is a photo of me showing you exactly what Fletcher looks like sucking his thumb and petting his blankey on the side of his wittle head!!!


Have I mentioned that I can lift 100 pounds over my head? I qualified for the state track meet in the two-mile. I have hair... ALL OVER MY BACK. I am man, hear me snore! Carry on, my wayward-wiiii-iiii-iiii-fe.

Oh, I'll carry on. And on, and on and on... SO... What is a woman to do when her husband won't just man up, put on his big boy panties and get the job done??? Well, she's just got to do it herself. Damn straight! Now, please understand, Fletcher tried to do the gallant thing and insist that I not climb under the house. "I will lay down in front of that hole if I have to!" He bellows... I think we already saw that. What just gets me is that you and I both know he was protesting with such vigor because he didn't want to get shown up by a girl!

So in I went...

Oh, for a two-by-six, a hammer and twelve concrete nails! Kidding... I kid because I love.

Okay, here's the deal. Once the smallest human alive was able to squeeze into the hole, after deducing the cause of the smell that was olfactously disgusting was nowhere in sight---we resorted to plan B. Have I mentioned while she was snaking around underneath the bowel's of Fletcher Manor, I took this pretty picture?

Time to switch sides of the house... and get up close and personal with the source of our misery. Sports-wife. Not that she's the source of our misery. Not at all. Nope. Not her.



Are you talking? Anyway... Yeah, I was going to have to go around to the otherside of the house and crawl into yet another hole to hell... and this was serious. Giant green dukey flies buzzing about and the funk of forty thousand years... I barreled in telling the girls (daughters) "See girls! This is what you have to do when you are a woman... take care of yourself and not wait for no man to rescue you!!!"

That is when I found... it. Of course, Fletcher (wanting to swoop in and steal all the glory) says, "Aly, here... move over and let me get that." Oh, I don't think so! "JUST go get me a shovel and a trash bag, boy!" While he skipped off to the shed, I fought it with my bare hands! And drug it out by the tail, thrashing and biting!!!

Click here to see "Beauty and the Beast!"

Nick Saban, Journalists Best Friend!

Nick Saban is almost warm and cuddly enough to slip into your babies crib. If, of course, your baby belongs to Rosemary. When he scratches his body below the waist---and says the sportswriter can do "this", does he mean, "scratch himself?" Or, "Scratch Saban?" Which, by the way, will be a lottery game in Alabama before long.

Houston Nutt's text-messaging SKILZ are vast and world-recognized. But the Arka...errr... Ole Miss head coach has spawned talent from his, uh, surname, that puts his "thumbing" silly words to television news anchors to shame.

Travis Ford pulled out of the LSU basketball search about ten days ago... apparently to shop for real estate in Stillwater, Oklahoma. Here's a tip, Travis... buy from T. Boone Pickens Realty. He owns everything---and as of this afternoon, that includes you.

Finally, a legitimate reason to cheer for ping pong balls. Besides the State Fair, "Win a Goldfish" thingy.

Gilbert Arenas represents everything that is right about the NBA. Blog on, brother blogger... Blog on.

There IS an heir apparent to Agent Zero's bluntness, honesty, humor and blogerifficness in the NBA Development League.

I thought Gerry May putting on his make-up the same way I do... stacking his scripts on the desk the same way I do was a "litttttle creepy." Until I saw this...

The Battle Wings host the Amarillo Dusters Saturday night. Interesting story... Duster's QB, Julian Reese is getting married in July. Wings OL/DL Dannie Snyder is his best man. Let the Bachelor Party planning begin across the line of scrimmage!

Cracked Nuts... and Cowboys/Saints Predictions

If you wondered where coconut milk comes from... have to love the announcers. THIS would have been handled (Boing!) completely different by female broadcasters.



Now... on to the stuff that really takes cajones! Predicting the Cowboys and Saints fortunes!

Dallas Cowboys
Wk	Date	Matchup	Time
1	Sept. 7	at Cleveland Browns	4:15 p.m. L
2	Sept. 15 (Mon.)	Philadelphia Eagles	8:30 p.m. W
3	Sept. 21	at Green Bay Packers	8:15 p.m. W
4	Sept. 28	Washington Redskins	4:15 p.m. W
5	Oct. 5	Cincinnati Bengals	4:15 p.m. W
6	Oct. 12	at Arizona Cardinals	4:15 p.m. L
7	Oct. 19	at St. Louis Rams	1 p.m. W
8	Oct. 26	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1 p.m. W
9	Nov. 2	at New York Giants	4:15 p.m. L
10	Nov. 9	Bye
11	Nov. 19	at Washington Redskins*	8:15 p.m. L
12	Nov. 23	San Francisco 49ers	1 p.m. W
13	Nov. 27 (Thurs.)	Seattle Seahawks	4:15 p.m. W
14	Dec. 7	at Pittsburgh Steelers	4:15 p.m. L
15	Dec. 14	New York Giants*	8:15 p.m. W
16	Dec. 20 (Sat.)	Baltimore Ravens	8:15 p.m. W
17	Dec. 28	at Philadelphia Eagles	1 p.m. L

Dallas' Record In 2008: 10-6

New Orleans Saints
Wk	Date	Matchup	Time
1	Sept. 7	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1 p.m. W
2	Sept. 14	at Washington Redskins	1 p.m. W
3	Sept. 21	at Denver Broncos	4:05 p.m. L
4	Sept. 28	San Francisco 49ers	1 p.m. W
5	Oct. 6 (Mon.)	Minnesota Vikings	8:30 p.m. W
6	Oct. 12	Oakland Raiders	1 p.m. W
7	Oct. 19	at Carolina Panthers	1 p.m. L
8	Oct. 26	San Diego Chargers (in London)	1 p.m. W
9	Nov. 2	Bye
10	Nov. 9	at Atlanta Falcons	1 p.m. W
11	Nov. 16	at Kansas City Chiefs	1 p.m. W
12	Nov. 24 (Mon.)	Green Bay Packers	8:30 p.m. W
13	Nov. 30	at Tampa Bay Buccaneers	1 p.m. L
14	Dec. 7	Atlanta Falcons	1 p.m. W
15	Dec. 11 (Thurs.)	at Chicago Bears	8:15 p.m. L
16	Dec. 21	at Detroit Lions	1 p.m. W
17	Dec. 28	Carolina Panthers	1 p.m. W

New Orleans Record In 2008: 12-4.

Feel free to discuss in the comments section... oh, yeah. We'll also chat about this on the show Wednesday morning.

Man Swats Imaginary Flying Squirrels Away From Face

Wow. If you can concentrate on anything being said during this, you sir (or madam) have the focus of a Lasik Surgeon. It's almost as if dude is channeling The Pips, which makes Todd McShay Gladys Knight! Woo-Woo! No wonder American Airlines has so many planes grounded---the guy in charge of bringing in 90% of their flights is in Bristol.

Nick Saban, crafty? Thinking of his own personal gain? Stop it... next thing you know, you will besmirch his undying loyalty to his employers. And THAT will not be tolerated; not on my watch Larry!

Hey guys... remember Joe McKnight? Top recruit in the country? Spurns home-state school for USC? Can't maintain full-class load while at 'SC? Yeah, that guy.

The Deuce hasn't been cut loose---yet. The Runnin' Rebel with more strained ligaments than a Shanghai Soup Kitchen still has a chance to make some noise for the Saints... and some cash.

Oh to be Brandt Snedeker's agent today. "Hello, Kleenex Corporation? Have I got the man for...." Next: "Hello, Oxygen Channel, I represent Brandt Snedek..." Check out the Brit's reaction to Snedeker. "Are you havin' a laugh?"

Immelman Not The Only Winner!

Okay, boys... it looks like a runaway win for Monroe Joe in, "The Morning Sportsline Masters Contest."

1. Monroe Joe (-4)
2. Puckman ( E)
3. Rivers (+1)
4. JR (+6)
5. Paul (+7)

Monroe Joe rides the steely nerve of Trevor Immelman to the title, with assists from Sean O'Hair and Boo Weekley... no green jacket for Monroe Joe--how about a yellow rubber glove instead? PLUS---two tickets to Elvis Costello on April 25th in the Riverdome; $25 Gift Certificate to Rocky's Shed Road Counter Culture; A Barrel O' Cheese Doodles... and whatever else we can dig up by Wednesday.

Stop by the Cumulus Studio's on Wednesday after 9:00am, Monroe Joe, to claim your cavalcade of prizes!

Masters Contest

After Two Rounds of our Masters Tournament, we certainly have some separation... Here is the leaderboard heading into today's 3rd Round:

1. Monroe Joe (-7):
B. Weekley
T.Immelman
Sean O'Hair

2. JR (-4):
A. Scott
P. Casey
R. Goosen

3.Paul F (-2):
P. Mickelson
A. Romero

K. Choi

4. Rivers(-1):
M. Weir
P. Harrington
J. Singh

T5. Billy (+2):
S. Flesch
J. Wagner

T5.Puckman(+2):

T. Woods
A. Cabrera

S. Appleby

T5. Good Naber(+2):
V. Singh
S. Cink

T8. Aunt B(+6):
I. Poulter

T8. Misty (+6):

I. Woosnam

S. Ames

T8. Shane(+6):
B. Snedeker

11. Joel (+7):
J. Leonard
N. Watney

T12. Lucky Jack (+8):
A. Oberholser

T12. Charlie Bean(+8):
Z. Johnson
G. Ogilvy

T12. Justin (+8):
J. Rose
H. Stenson

T12. GMoney (+8):
S. Lyle
J. Holmes

T12. Jamie (+8) :
L. Westwood

T17. Mark (+11):
J. Furyk

T17. Steve (+11):
R. Karlsson
N. Dougherty

19. Chad (+12):
D. Toms
N. Fasth

T20. 12^th Man (+14):
R. Sterne

T.20. F’n Pelicans (+14):
B. Watson

22. Cajun Rob(+15):
R. Allenby

23. Rusty (+20):
No Golfers Remaining

24. Phillip (+22):
No Golfers Remaining

T25. Brooks (+23):
No Golfers Remaining

T 25. Tulane(+23):
H. Slocum

T. 27 Modeo (+27):
No Golfers Remaining

T. 27 Leroy (+27):
No Golfers Remaining

29. Johnny C (+29):
M. Jimenez

30. Bruce (+30):
No Golfers Remaining

Okay, Guys... Good Luck Today and Sunday... I'll TRY to update the third round scores before they put Tee To Earth and send the Dimpled Orb Heavenward.

The Knee... Always The Knee

It has finally happened, guys. I've had "the moment." Playing full-court hoops today, I continually found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Making passes that Plasticman couldn't catch. Taking shots even Allen Iverson would disapprove of... but mostly, my left knee just wouldn't work.

"Hal, can we get a close-up of my knee?"

Not good. It's time to Call Dr. B and see what is
going on underneath the kneecap. It feels like a lot of
grinding (Boing!)... imagine someone sliding a silver fork between their teeth. It has nothing to do with my knee, I just wanted to do you a favor and get your mind off my horrific injury.

Here's what stinks... I LOVE playing hoops. Live for Tuesday's and Thursday's when we "run 'em". I used to be decent. Like to drive to the rack... like to shoot the "j"... never really enjoyed that whole playing the "d" thing, though. Today it hit me, though. I may be done. You can stick a fork in me, but you may want to use a spoon to get every drop of my hoopness.

If I was a horse, they'd shoot me. If I was Brett Favre, I would retire. Then give an interview hinting at coming back. Stay retired. Drive a tractor. Come back to the game. But I'm not a horse (boing!). I'm not Brett Favre. I'm a soon-to-be 43 year old dude who played every sport he could while growing up, but now is faced with an exercise regimen consisting of walking Baxter. I'm not a good swimmer---I'm more like a survivor, in the pool, so don't give me the whole "go swimming!" angle. Bicylcling? Sure... if you want to get nailed by a truck on a Shreveport street. Golf? Okay... I love golf... not a lot of exercise the way I play. Tee Box, cart, fairway, cart, green, cart. Oh, yeah. I'm that good.

Any suggestions? What about some of you other old farts... what did it feel like when your athletic ability "jumped the shark?" Anyone want to start a knitting club? Grab some coffee and bitch about the government? I'm available.

Radio Show---Live Blog!

This is our first foray into blogging while hosting a radio show! To the phones we go... coverage at three o'clock of the Masters. Caller doesn't get into ESPN personalities. "I figure if he can shoot Even, that would be good." "I've been surprised... the athletes realize it's a business on the college level. Play with the cards they're dealt with."

Play Misty For Me. It's going to rain. Probably like yesterday... very windy. I don't know if you've been to the Masters website... pretty good website. ESPN is showing the early rounds again tonight. They'll have hilites on CBS from 10:30-10:45 after the news. If I understand correctly. You call yourself a sportscaster, he says!

Billy believes the other golfers in the field, outside of Tiger---are not very good. Els is over the hill.. Mickelson had his fling and is done. Maybe Ogilvy is the closest to being a consistent golfer. He believes the field is as bad as it gets in golf. Final round with Tiger, they have a two shot lead, they will crumble. They aren't mentally tough enough for Tiger Woods right now. You watch the Masters, they'll outdrive Tiger Woods and have smaller clubs in their hand (BOING!) and be further away from the pin than Tiger. It's so much Tiger's, it's like the New England Patriots...

Modeo... may I have some Ham, May? May-Ham? I'll put these guys on my basketball bracket.

Rusty takes lucky number 13. "I always watch a bit of the Masters. The Hal Sutton hospital is very impressive."

Misty has Stephen Ames in his group. The dude has the biggest teeth in the Field. If a ball gets stuck somewhere behind a picket fence, he can reach in there and get it with his grill.

Steve goes with Hester's number... Brooksie goes with Archie's number 8... no offense to Elvis Costello, but he can't fill the CTC.

Cajun Rob... going with number 11... for Ryan Perrilloux. Rivers, taking the 26 number (Joe Rudi, anyone?) gets----Harrington... Weir and SINGH...uh-oh, not Vijay. But J. What's the J stand for? Jimmy Singh? Joey Singh?

At the wire before the top of the hour, it's Tulane slamming the #10 to pick up Brett Wetterich, Heathcliff Slocumb and Tiger's favorite dinner guest, Fuzzy Zoeller.

Chad and Walter are on hold---and ready to get the next hour underway... It's the Masters Contest on The Morning Sportsline... Woo-Hoo! First up, Chad, who takes number 3 which includes D.T.

Walter Lamb, along with all the other OIB'ers are gearing up for the new branch of OIB on Fern Avenue. They are vacating the premesis downtown as of tomorrow!

Johnny C. informs me Cowboy Mouth will be playing in town soon (July 5th). He gets Gary Player... much like my wardrobe, his golf score will be stuck in the 80's today.

Lucky Jack... says Fog spelled backwards is Gof.

aunt bea... 97% of the area is employed... gets #17. Justin gets #5... for Reggie's college days. Charlie Bean reports his #6 team has off-field issues. Zach Johnson, Luke Donald and Geoff "More" Ogilvy "Please".

Mark whittles his way through #1, and #11...ends up with #21: Els, Furyk and Katayama

Derrick From Arkansas gets Vijay, Cink and Stricker. G-Money gets Sandy Lyle. Good luck with that. Joe from Monroe---Boo and O'Hair. Paul F, doesn't get an "F" for his picks... gets Mickelson. The Puckman, who NEVER wins these things, through attrition, takes the lowest number available---#15. Nice call, Pucker. He gets Tiger, Cabrera and Appleby. Nice.

Let's pour one out for Joel's dead tire and critically wounded spare. To have TWO flats on the way to work absolutely sucks. I'll kick the Jeep and LR3 tires in your honor, your honor.

Masters Week

The Tigers visit to the White House yielded surprising results on Monday (courtesy LSU Freek via EDSBS).

As I sit here on this rather sticky Tuesday night (Boing!) lamenting the lack of (heavily interesting) college hoops for another 11 months, I wish I had something... anything to look forward to this weekend via the world of sports. WAIT A SECOND... Jim Nantz's playground is open for business! It's "The Masters"! Tiger's pursuit of a Calendar Year Grand Slam gets underway... and it hasn't taken long for someone to put a little extra hot sauce on Tiger's eggs. Geoff "More" Ogilvy "Please" stirring things up is a nice addition for the staid event. What's amazing to me is the fact that Tiger is a 1:1 favorite to win this week. Even money---against a full field of competition at Augusta National.

When it comes to the 4 Major Golf Championships, I tend to favor whichever one is going on as my favorite. Yes, that is a major run-on sentence... this isn't a grammar blog, Mrs. Lane (3rd grade teacher). So, this week, my favorite golf event is "The Masters." It really is a cool tournament---and as a fortunate sap who enjoyed a Monday-Sunday ticket five... six years ago (Thanks D.T.), it's one of the most-breathtaking pieces of real estate this side of the Clampett's Cement Pond. The grass "really" is greener on the other side at Augusta. The white fence that secludes the course from the rest of Augusta hides the jewel from the masses. While driving up to and around Augusta National, it's extremely underwhelming. Strip malls... busy streets... cheap motels... but inside those Pearly White Gates... Wow. Truly Mesmerizing. I'll remember nearly walking into Mark O'Meara on the first fairway. Watching Tiger blast out of a bunker merely fifteen feet away, and feeling the grains of sand descend upon me like a spring-sleeting. The sandwiches in green cellophane... the caddy in the white jump-suit taking a leak in the woods during a practice round... Amen Corner... It's the only major championship venue I've been a personal witness to the event---so for now... and at least until the U.S. Open, the Masters takes the cake.

Spring Cleaning

The LSU Spring Game has sprung... and we learned: Richard Murphy could be more famous than Eddie Murphy's brother. Today, the Tigers visit the White House, a trip they obviously have been looking forward to making.


Tonight, the Memphis Tigers and Kansas Jayhawks will determine the 2007-2008 NCAA Men's Hoops championship. And already I'm dreading Jim Nantz's "signature" description of the winning team. If Kansas wins, I'm betting he goes with something along the lines of: "The Chalk Rocks, Jayhawks Win The Title!" Or... "Kansas, A Self-Made Champion!" Memphis wins? Look for, "The title isn't in Kansas anymore, Toto! It's on Beale Street where they are Walking Like Champions!" There is a very good chance an Elvis reference will be made: "The King of Rock-N-Roll is joined in royalty by the Kings of the Hardwood!" "Elvis may have died on the toilet, tonight Memphis flushes the Jayhawks down like a handful of Percocet!"

Bold, brash prediction as Nantz delivers the player intro's: Kansas wins, 83-80.

Dan LaBatard and Jay Bilas---seek out the man whom I choose in times of trouble... Jerry Seinfeld: "Look To The Cookie!!"

Around the NFL, the Saints make another move on defense. "Uh, Jason David... please report to Coach Payton's office. And bring your playbook. What? You never 'received' a playbook? Well... that explains a lot of things."

This may be the best news I've heard in days... guess who has joined the World O'Bloggin'? You know him, you love him. You may have even tattooe'd him or brawled with him in a Little Rock Piano Bar---it's... RUN... D.... M....C... Darren McFaddennnnnnnnnn!!! The Blog includes video of his "ink." You had me at, 'Arkansas Bred,' D-Mac... You had me at, 'Arkansas Bred.'

Speaking of blogging... perhaps I should cut back a little. Maybe use fewer ellipseseseses... maybe have my : checked. Or at least my ; looked at! Whoo-Hoo!!

Has anyone checked to see if Ron Mexico has paid our neck of the woods a visit---pre-lock-up?

Crown His A##! Or Use The Devil's Horns!

It's Final Four time and for some reason, I can't stop playing with Roy Williams head-gear ("Damn it mom, I've got my head-gear on!"). Try it... and tell me you didn't apply every set of toppings to the North Carolina coach's coconut. If Kansas is going to upend the Heels, they'll do so without the services of one of their back-up guards... he Gramatica'd his way out of the Final Four. Truly sucks for the kid, since he's a senior.

At last night's College Slam-Dunk competition and 3-Point Shootout, former Arkansas walk-on, Jimmy Dykes was put in the uncomfortable position of having his co-workers leer at his wife... on national television. Might want to watch Nessler and Lavin at the company picnic, Jimmy.

Speaking of Steve Lavin... didn't he coach UCLA? Shouldn't he know a Carlton from "Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air" impersonation when he sees one? Wham! George Michael? Wake-ME-Up Before You Go-Go Making A Fool Of Yourself For Your Lack Of Pop Culture Knowledge!

Did you hear that A-Rod was attacked by a red-tailed Hawk (Boing!) at Fenway Park? Seriously. It beats tanning shirtless in Central Park.

Ever wonder what happened to Harold Reynolds at ESPN? It was the Coyotes.

Rich Rodriguez' lawyer should take Ron Burgundy's advice to Champ: "Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while." Nice timing, too, dill-weed.

Nick Saban + Bill Belichick= BFF!!! XOXOXO

Yo, Tommy Bowden... not sure if you realize... this here's a microphone. It picks up what you say and aids in the recording of your voice so that your verbiage can be replayed forever and ever. Even if your comments are rather, uh... odd? Puzzling? You a big fan of Loverboy and Adam Ant? They wore tight pants as well, you know.

Note to self: When contemplating who to put on the lineup of folks in charge of deciding to "pull the plug" on me, scratch Kobe's name off the list.