The True Top 20 Nicknames In Football History!

We have made it to Saturday... and so far (crossing fingers), no plumbing problems! Wait... do I hear water dripping? Orrrr... is the noise just inside my head? If so, MAYbe I have a sinus infection. But I digress.

Earlier this week on the radio show, we discussed one (extremely lame) version of football's greatest nicknames. John "Hog" Hannah makes the list? Heck, that's not even the best nickname among the Hannah's... How about, Daryl "Splash" Hannah? Without further ado, here is one man's opinion of the 20 Greatest Nicknames In Football History, history, history....

Do yourself a favor and start at #20 and move up the ladder!

1. Billy "White Shoes" Johnson. The man behind the End Zone celebrations that we all love today! The guys from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy," would lament his choice of footwear in games played after Labor Day.
   
2. Dick "Night Train" Lane. Let's see... set a record for interceptions in 1952 with 14 picks. He wore number 81... and he ended his career with the Lions. No wonder, despite "Night Train's" death in 2002, Matt Millen drafted him in the sixth round this year.
   
3. Bob and Brian "Griese". Not the best nickname for a quarterback, or a surgeon. What? That's their real last name? Wow. Unfortunate.
   
4. Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch. An internet rumor indicates Elroy picked up his nickname after sandwiching his body into the seats of the venerable coliseum between I-20 and Greenwood Road for the Shrine Circus back in 1949. Hey, it beats, Elroy "Smells Like Urine And Cotton Candy" Hirsch.
   
5. "Sweetness," Walter Payton. Of course, now the People For The Ethical Treatment Of Sugar Cane would boycott Bears games if "Sweetness" still danced through defenders at Soldier Field. Who isn't tired of PETOSC? Yeah... I'm with you!
   
6. William "The Refrigerator" Perry. That's not junk in his trunk---just a few heads of lettuce. Trust me, we don't need to peak into his crisper bins.
   
7. "The Assassin", Jack Tatum. He is quite the author, penning books: "They Call Me Assassin" in 1980; "They Still Call Me Assassin," in 1989; and "Final Confessions of NFL Assassin Jack Tatum," in 1996. I wonder what his next book may be titled? "I'm Still The Assassin." Or, "Looking For The Guy Formerly Known As The Assassin? Here I Am!"... or perhaps, "The Notebook (pause, pause, pause) ... Of An ASSASSIN!!"
   
8. Lou "The Toe" Groza. Remember when the former Falcons quarterback responded to Atlanta fans booing him, hence the name, Michael "The Finger" Vick?
   
9. "The Mad Stork," Ted Hendricks. Which explains my reflux as a baby.
   
10. Lester "The Molester" Hayes. Amazingly, he never really liked his nickname. I can't imagine why? What if they called you, Jim "Farts In Elevator" McGinney? You wouldn't exactly relish that, would you? Hayes, a "Star Wars" addict, referred to himself as the "Only True Jedi In The NFL," prior to Super Bowl XVIII. In that game, Joe Theismann proved to be the "Only True Princess Leia In The NFL".
    
11. "Mean" Joe Greene. The Coke ad sent his popularity through the roof. But drenching a kid with a sweaty jersey? That WAS plain Mean.
    
12. John "Golden" Richards. I used to be a Cowboys fan. Until they got rid of #83 out of the University Of Hawai'i. Speed like he possessed doesn't grow on palm trees---it came from the Mullet. You know it. I know it.
    
13. "Broadway Joe" Namath. Sure, the fur coat on the sideline... the mutton chops... the panty hose... those all should boost Namath into the top ten. But his clumsy attempt at kissing suzy kolber remind me of my own infatuation with Martina Navritalova. Bad memories > Super Bowl Victory prediction.
    
14. "Ironhead" Craig Heyward. Reminds me of a buddy in high school we called "Skillet Head." Heyward's name came from his bull-headed running style and 8 3/4 hat size. "Skillet" got his name because his face was as flat as a skillet.
    
15. "The Minister Of Defense", Reggie White. Little known fact: Originally called, "Secretary Of Health and Human Services," until Donna Shalala sued the pants off of him.
    
16. Rod "He Hate Me" Smart; He gave his therapist one of his jersey's to prove how much he wasn't swaddled as a toddler.
    
17. Anthony "Booger" McFarland. Let's just hope he didn't "pick" his own nickname
    
18. Floyd "Porkchop" Womack... That's not IcyHot you smell; it's menthol gravy!
    
19. "The Nigerian Nightmare," Christian Okoye (turned into "South Of The Equator Bed-Soaker" by Steve Atwater)
    
20. KTBS 3 Sports Star, "Slingin'" Sammy Baugh